Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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