shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
