i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
