Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
