He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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