Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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