i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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