Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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