it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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