Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
