Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
