This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize