The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
