I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
