you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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