I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
