everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
