Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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