your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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