The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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