Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
