Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
