If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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