You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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