They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
