Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
