Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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