help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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