You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He passed out mid-signature
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
