ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
