I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
