If i come over, it means nothing
People in love make me want to vomit
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
