dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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