On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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