My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
