Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
