i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
