well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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