I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
