she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
