Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
