he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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