Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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