He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
