I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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