Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
