jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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