Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
