Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
