i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
