Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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