I want to make a zoo with you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
