thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
