i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
