Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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