Your face is a jimmy john
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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