I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
