whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
