found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
