She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
