I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
