I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
