I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
