It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
