Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
