Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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