just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He felt like a one man threesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
