not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
