3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
