There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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