Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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