Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
