I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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