your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
