So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
