This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
